bluelinedoughty: So a friend of mine on fb (who is a Sharks fan) is resorting to calling Kings players “gay” as his response to tonights game. Yes. Very original Jimmy.
dickfaerie: my favorite activity is pretending that i can sing
too-stoned-to-remember: Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog I imagine that in their heads they’re like THAT IS DOG I AM DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
megaman2: megaman2: “mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?” “no, i said she was fucking goofy” please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
autumnw0lf: People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99.9% of the titties.
cosmo tip #658
expertcosmotips: make him coupons for a free sensual massage that expire the day before you give them to him
mytoecold: A guy I don’t know very well handed me his yearbook and asked me if I wanted to sign it. I said yes, and shortly after he added, “Just don’t write anything gay.” I wrote this: Fuck my actual butthole. You are a boy and so am I. We are going to have sex that is gay. Pound my rock hard cock and bite me. Love, Drew
brittabaggles: do you ever just refuse to go to bed because that means tomorrow is going to happen
sexhaver: “i dont date girls who sleep around” aiight so you expect your “perfect girl” to wait around for your misogynistic slut-shaming ass while you jack off into a tube sock for years on end instead of actually developing your social skills to the point where maybe you’d be one of the “other guys” she chooses to sleep with gotcha eat my ass